It’s odd when you haven’t stopped to reflect on your relationships with others for awhile. And your best friends are no longer your best friends and the people who used to make you smile make you cringe away with nostalgia dripping on the edge of your memories.
Like, my first best friend/neighbor. She’s really into animals and farms and such now. I haven’t talked to her in 12 years.
Or my best friend in soccer. She and I are still close, but we live in different areas. She’s married and has an adorable little boy. We don’t talk often.
Or my first love. It was fucked up. Not going to lie. But he literally walked me through the most suffocating years of my life. And we haven’t talked since the day I turned 19. He used to be so kind. But now he’s lost and drifting.
Or my older brothers. Not really related. But I used to be so close. I would always have a shoulder to turn to. One, I stopped talking to. Because he became rude and arrogant. One, got married. He has a little daughter on the way. He stopped talking to me.
Or my sister. Even when we lived in the same town, we rarely talked. But now we never talk.
Or my two best friends at community college. We have had some distance. But we talk now. And I miss them. I wish I didn’t have to leave them behind. They were the first ones to ever see me drunk.
Or my friends. Who I see on facebook that I used to talk to almost every day. But now I see their pictures and they are making newer happier memories.
Or my first actual love interest. He’s still struggling. But he’s back with his first girlfriend and they are happy. I hope he lives long enough for it to get better.
Or they first guy who introduced me to Tonight Alive. Who wrote me notes in Physics and sang the pokemon theme song to cheer me up.
Or my only friend at private school, who was a compulsive and pathological liar. The best friend a suicidal teen could have.
Or my first boyfriend. Who I still can’t talk about.
Or my new friends. Who go out with me. Who work with me.
Sometimes it’s worth taking a look back. Because I am not saddened by all the changes in my life. But sometimes it’s astounding how much life can change (or not change) in a span of 6 months to 11 years.
I know some friends are friends for life. And I’m glad we still talk.
And I’m thankful to everyone else, for teaching me the lessons that I needed to learn.